Texting provides such tempting communicative freedom for teens—they can have a private conversation with anyone, at any time—and whatsmore, often right under a parent’s nose!

A quick perusal of the literature reveals that if parents are wondering what to do in the face of texting mania—it seems establishing boundaries for your child’s texting behavior is key.  Professor Amy Bruckman at the Georgia Institute for Technology sums it up well: “In the same way that parents dictate children’s sleeping, eating, and playing patterns, there is a need for deep guidance of technology use.”

Yet many parents aren’t taking the time to establish those boundaries.  A July 2011 national survey conducted by Verizon Wireless revealed that among parents who choose to get their child a wireless device, one in five hasn’t set up rules for usage of the device.

If you are a parent considering getting a cell phone for your child, or someone who already deals with a texting youth, here’s some great food for thought about establishing guidelines and rules:

• Center for Media and Child Health answers “How much texting is too much texting?”
• Tips from Mayo Clinic on how to approach texting from a parental standpoint
• Advice for setting rules on texting from Scholastic.com
• Post from Children’s Hospital L.A. on health risks for over-texting teens & how parents can help

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                                              THANK YOU, CENTRAL INDIANA SOCIAL WORKERS!

YOUR IMPACT IS POWERFUL.

Our addictions counselors know firsthand the threat these drugs pose to the community.

“We see a lot of clients who are abusing spice,” says counselor Heather Buckland.  “They report that you can easily purchase it at head shops and even certain neighborhood gas stations.”

This ease of commerce is part of what House Bill 1196 aims to do away with.  Under the new law, a store can lose its business license if caught selling synthetic stimulants or synthetic marijuana.

Our staff report that the newer trend of abusing synthetic stimulants (bath salts) has yet to surface much in client group discussion.  However, the chemical dependency department recently gained the ability to screen for these substances with mouth swabs.  “So we may know more about their use soon,” Heather notes.

Another critical outcome of HB 1196 is that it expands the definition of illegal synthetic drugs, and enables the Indiana Board of Pharmacy to “emergency-declare” a substance to be a synthetic drug and immediately ban its sale.  This will go a long way towards catching up with the curve of illegal drug makers, who have previously managed to stay ahead of the law by changing minute ingredients in these drugs to keep them from falling under official illegal definitions.

Families First counselors hope to see the popularity of synthetic marijuana diminish with the passing of this new legislation.  For her part, Heather has seen too many people relapse on spice. “I’ve seen a mom with over three months sobriety, start justifying her use of spice, and completely spiral into relapse on other drugs,” she shares.  “These drugs can be the beginning of the end for too many peoples’ hard-earned sobriety.”

Recent news surrounding the death of singer, Whitney Houston, reminds us all of the devastating toll that addictions can take on individuals and families.  Most of us have known someone with an addiction and have seen the effects on them and their families, who painfully, helplessly watch the train wreck happen.

A while back, I attended the funeral of a beautiful young woman who ended her battle against addiction by taking her own life.  Her sisters read tributes they had written, her mom read a poem about the joys and sorrows of motherhood, and her four-year-old daughter wrestled with the question, “Where’s my mommy?”

Although I didn’t know the young victim well, I know her loved ones very well. The heartbreak of her parents, sisters, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and all of her family was hard to watch.  When her mother implored parents in attendance to hug and appreciate their kids, I obviously pictured my son and daughter, and was reminded of how precious, yet vulnerable and fragile, our young people can be.

Tragedies like these also make me think about the dedicated chemical dependency counselors with whom I am privileged to work at Families First.  Such sad events remind me of the responsibility and opportunity we have at Families First to not only change, but save lives.  We owe every person who comes through our door our very best and must never forget that each one is somebody’s daughter, son, mother, father, sister, wife, husband, friend.

I am thankful for our staff and the opportunity we have to change the course of troubled lives.  Our work matters—to those like my young friend and her family, and so many others fighting the same battle.  Thanks to all those who help carry on the mission of Families First.

So how can you set yourself up to have the most effective meeting?  Al Johnson, an Addictions Supervisor at Families First, knows a thing or two about what it’s like to be on the teacher side of the parent-teacher conference.  As a former middle school social studies teacher, Al’s recommendation to parents is that they be open to suggestions from the teacher.  He also emphasizes the importance of considering yourself and the teacher a team when it comes to the academic progress of your child.  

Families First Play Therapist, Penny Zimmerman, has this advice for parents who may find themselves feeling defensive when receiving negative feedback about their child’s behavior:

“Remember, your child is not an extension of you, for good or ill. You can influence their behavior, but you cannot claim their achievements or eliminate their mistakes.  Your child needs to own and be accountable for both.”

Both Al and Penny also agree with the following tips for maximizing the parent-teacher conference, from LifeasMOM blog contributor, JessieLeigh:

Consider strengths and weaknesses. 

Ask yourself these two simple questions before you head in:

▪           What are my child’s greatest strengths?

▪           In what areas do I see my child struggle?

With these things fresh in your mind, it is easier to speak up when the teacher, inevitably asks, “Did you have any questions or concerns?” 

Realize that your child “at home” may be strikingly different from your child “at school.”

 For better or worse, this is often the case.  Working together, you and your child’s teacher can often brainstorm some tactics to help see more of the desired behaviors in both places.  It can be surprising to learn that your effervescent, cheerful kiddo is quiet and shy at school.  Keeping an open dialogue going with the teacher is your best way to help determine why that might be.

Do not limit your questions/worries to academic issues.

Your child spends many hours a day at school.  Peer relations and social situations can have a dramatic impact on his/her happiness and success.  If you think your child is being bullied, speak up.  If you’re worried about the language or media he/she’s being exposed to, make the teacher aware.  These concerns are every bit as important.

(Source link: http://lifeasmom.com/2010/09/making-the-most-of-your-parent-teacher-conference.html)

If you tend to think in terms of work versus family, rather than work and family, you’re likely experiencing a good deal of stress in trying to manage your responsibilities in both arenas.

The following tips will help you achieve a healthier work-life balance and alleviate some of that stress:

Nobody’s perfect.

• Set reasonable goals and expectations for yourself at home and at work.
• Ask yourself the “what will happen” question . . . for example, if you’re pressed for time, what will happen if you don’t clean the garage today?
• Don’t try to be perfect. An orderly house is nice, but there are times when the dishes can wait.

Let’s talk.

• Hold family meetings to talk about issues that affect the entire family. Make sure everyone gets a chance to talk, especially the children.
• Maintain a calendar of activities so everyone knows what’s coming up and what they have to do.
• Set aside family time each day to talk with your partner and children about what’s important in life.
• Plan at least one family meal a day. Family rituals—pizza Wednesday, Friday movies—are fun and foster a sense of family togetherness.
• Spend one-on-one time with each child.

Organize! Organize! Organize!

• Streamline your life and set priorities.
• Know your limits. Learn to say NO to unnecessary infringements on your time.
• Share household responsibilities and tasks. Younger children like charts that list everyone’s chores.
• Cook in quantities so you have easy, nutritious meals available when you’re pressed for time.
• Find safe, dependable child care. Take your time evaluating care providers in the beginning; it will pay dividends later. Develop a plan for back-up care.
• Anticipate problems and conflicts at work and home, and feel confident in your ability to resolve them.

Help our children at school by helping their families

Edie Olson
December 27, 2011

Like most adults I know, I can name teachers who made a lasting impression on me. The same can be said for my children. There is no question that excellent teachers can leave an indelible mark on students and significantly impact their later success. As Matt Tully wrote in his Dec, 21 column, “In education, focus on what we can control.” I agree it is imperative to continually improve the quality and relevance of our schools and curricula.

However, I am not as quick to dismiss the possibility of simultaneously improving the quality of parenting and family life. No family, regardless of how extraordinary and advantaged they might be, can sufficiently compensate for an inadequate school system; neither can the best school system compensate for inadequate or ineffective parenting. Both are necessary for the optimal success of our children.

Daily, at Families First, we see the “bad parents” who are referenced when blame is assessed for school failure. We do not find these parents to be bad people but, rather, good, well-intentioned people with impediments to effective parenting. Among them are unmet basic needs, lack of know-how, addictions and untreated mental illness, domestic violence and lack of transportation. These obstacles to healthy family relationships are not all that mysterious and are treatable.

“I’m thankful for the chance to become the mother my children deserve.” These are the words of a mother battling addiction — a mother who likely did not have the mother whom she deserved. Most of the parents who come to Families First for treatment of addictions have experienced extreme trauma in their lives — often during childhood — that plays a part in their self-medicating with the use of substances.

“I’ve never seen my child’s school. My commute and workday begins at 5 a.m. and ends at 7 p.m. I spend nearly three hours waiting for and changing buses to get to my job on the Far Northwestside. The school where my son is bused is on the Far Southeastside. If I had a car, I could see him play football and meet his teachers rather than waiting for a bus.” These are the words of a mother applying to our family loan program for a car loan.

A father who completed our Batterers’ Intervention group and parenting classes said, “When I was growing up, I can’t even remember the number of schools I attended. We were always trying to keep a step ahead of my abusive father. I never had any positive role models to learn how to be a good husband or father.”

At Families First, we believe that no parent sets out to fail, and that all families have strengths and value regardless of how troubled the relationships might seem. In school systems, there are often negative stereotypes and assumptions about families from lower socio-economic groups that are undeserved, just as there may be positive assumptions about more affluent families that may be equally undeserved. Negative assumptions and attitudes toward parents, who already may harbor feelings of failure from their own educational experience, only reinforce their alienation from their children’s schools.

Evidence-based programs can engage parents in their child’s education. Families First had excellent results with the award-winning program Families and Schools Together in a few schools while funding was available. Just as research demonstrated nationally, there was not only measurable improvement in the children’s behavior and performance, but their parents made advancements in their own education and employment.

The question is not whether it is possible to improve the lives of children by improving the plight of their parents. The question is whether the will exists to do so. At Families First, we are dedicated to doing just that. We hope others will join us.